Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Fashion Statement

I am obsessed with clothing - in my drawings, in my dolls, and in my personal life. I have the fabric to make some jumpers and a fleece coat, but can't seem to get started. I hope that with the change in antidepressant I will be more motivated. At least I am drawing. It was scary when I was doing nothing creative. My friend's mom told me she has Alzheimers and is no longer able to sew, which was her creative outlet. But she is in her 80's I am in my 60's and I do not think I have Alzheimers but the depression is almost overwhelming. Today I went to the fibro support group, and talked a bit about it. I cried which is good because it is hard for me to cry now - after years of being "incontinent of tears"! Then I got my Rx from Dr. Hyams and when I came out Lea asked me if I was OK and I said no and burst into tears. I feel like I am completely out of control of my life. I can't do what I want to do and I can't even keep a stiff upper lip!!! I hope I can get through this transition and I really hope the new antidepressant works. It's scary. Dr. Hyams talked to me about it being a chemical imbalance both today and last Friday. In one way it helps to know that. It isn't a matter of just getting ahold of myself, but it also furthers the feeling of having no control. I feel as if I have been holding on by my teeth and fingernails since October. After I saw Judy in Seattle and came home to be alone on Canadian Thanksgiving, then American Thanksgiving hit me really hard this year, and it has been a downhill slide since then. I think I should be checking in with a friend during this black time. Right now I have not been killing myself because Riley is a rescue dog and I promised to be his forever mommy. That has to be enough for now.

No comments:

Post a Comment